The Crazy Life

Things are about to get SUPER busy here at the Stachurski house. This weekend is definitely a grand kick off for the month of July. We have people coming down this weekend and my momma is coming down this weekend for the holiday week! SUPER excited about that. :) It's my bro's birthday on Monday, he'll be an old man...32! hahaha! Then we were going to go up to Ventura but Zach had something come up at work and now we can't. So VTA you'll have to wait until the following weekend. Then my bday and Krista is coming! Woo hoo! Super excited! The second half of the month is just as crazy. Somewhere in all of the madness Zach intends to build a pergola. I can't wait for that! Our house gets so hot from the sun beating off the concrete in the backyard. So far it hasn't gotten TOO bad in the house, although we did learn some great tricks last year. Which brings me to my next tid bit, Sunday we will have officially be homeowners for a year! Yay for being in debt! ha! We still have things to do on the house but it is in MUCH better shape than it was when we bought it. Those people really lived like pigs. Ugh! The yards have been neglected though. I just had the gardener pull all of the "flowers" in our front planter so now it's a blank canvas! I have a few ideas for it but am still looking for any thoughts! I'll have to take a picture and post it for opinions. :) Our little garden in the back is still alive too! Now that is huge for us (and by us I mean me). Our basil is thriving and waiting to be eaten, the tomatoes havent flowered yet but that's normal along with our four different peppers. I am trying to find a zucchini plant already started and maybe some eggplant. Other than the house and our busy schedule I've been really contimplating everything that had been happening before. I don't know if I had post this already so please excuse the repeat if I have. I love all of my friends dearly. I would do anything for them. That being said, I'm not sure exactly if this other person feels the same way for me. Which, lets face it, stings a little. I'm not going to let that bring me down though. I would like to think that I can just let this go and move forward. I keep thinking about her though. So everytime I think of her I pray for her. I really would like to be the bigger person. So that being said, do I contact her and "break the silence"? Even though this is one of the things I had talked to her about? That I really hate having to be the one to contact her all the time, do I do it? I told her that when she was ready to call me. Part of me wants to ask her "is this it? This is how you want to do this? End the friendship we had?" Zach told me last night that I should contact her and "be the bigger person" in his words. That I would be doing a disservice to myself and my walk if I continued to play this little charade. I'm confused. What would you do?

Strike a Pose

I thought a few pictures of the my little wierdos was needed to lighten the mood. :) My husband drives me crazy sometimes, but he sure does help me make a cute kid. ha! I love him with every ounce of me and he knows it. These little people are my world. They love to have gun fights with Daddy all over the house and swoopsnap all of his stuff. H's new "thing" is making a funny face everytime the camera comes out. I just loooooove that...Gwen, well Gwenny is a diva.

Life

Thank you for all of the feedback on my last post. I couldn't agree more that some people are just toxic and some are put into our lives to refine us. I honestly couldn't have said it better myself! Thanks guys! Fortunately this particular situation is here to refine me. Yes, I said fortunately. I think over the years of putting up with all kinds of different...stresses in my life I have gotten a little hard. I need to crack this shell I have made and open back up to being a more giving and all around loving person. Another case I am now going through (it's been a busy month for me) I believe is a toxic relationship which is really hard for me to say because I love this person very much. I'll go more into that in a moment though. I had said that I felt like I was drowning in a puddle and it really hasn't gotten a whole lot better. It's just been one thing after the other here I swear. As most of you know Zach has an auto immune dificeincy. Well after he had his 6 mile swim it flared up with all its might. I have never seen him in such pain. Looking into his eyes was the worst. He is such a strong person and never really shows pain, that just made this that much harder. The waterfall effect started here. With Zach being sick I took care of the house and kids alone, no big deal. I mean that is what the norm is when he's gone anyway. It wasn't just taking care of the kids though. It was adding a sick husband on and the emotional stress of watching him deteriorate was incredibly hard. I kept praying and asking for strength, that I didn't show him how much it was hurting me because quite frankly why should he have to deal with that too? Well Hunter caught on that mommy was a little overloaded and he decided to run with it. The listening became few and far between and the fits became regular. It was uber tiring. He is so tired of me, I mean, I'm the only person he gets durning the day and he is SO ready for preschool it's not even funny. He asks to go to daycare or church so he can play with the teachers and other kiddos. We just found a mommy group here through the church and I'm stoked to get into it. So back to the sick thing, with Zach being out of commission and the kids not understanding it made it that much more difficult to keep them off him or not cry for him while he was upstairs resting. On top of all of this trying to keep my own sanity was difficult. I was trying to talk to a friend about it, the toxic relationship I am now realizing, and all I got from our conversations was all about them and their world. Not only was it about them but it was short answers when I would initiate something AND negative. I am realizing that sarcasm is nothing I want to have so prominent in my life, that's what they were chalking it up to (oh and menstrating). As soon as I said that I didn't want to be a doormat anymore or that I was done with the negativity I was attacked. I get being defensive, it's natural. I just don't deal with that kind of friendship well. I lost a very dear friend because of this before. I really didn't want that to happen again. Especially because of how close this person and I are. Ugh, this just makes me so sad. Sad and a little angry. We'll see how the next week or so goes. I told them I would give them time and let them make the next move. Who knows what their growth will be, if any. (yeah, I know...that was a jab. I'm human! what can I say?) It is so hard to keep everything straight in my head for this post while little monkeys destroy the house. If I repeat myself I'm sorry. No joke it has taken me over an hour to write this. I suppose I can make a sequel tomorrow. I mean, this is pretty long. To sum it up I'm trying to handle a lot right now and it's difficult. Prayer has been huge and trying to listen and apply what I'm hearing is even more difficult.

Look at me!!

Twice in one day! OOOOhhhhh snap. Ok, now that that is out of my system! Whew! Tonight I was able to head out after I put the kids to bed and have some "me time". It was fantastic! I hit up Target and Michaels, my two favorite places. I, of course, took my dear sweet time in both places and even though I was only gone for not even two hours I feel so rejuvinated! I feel like I can clean the house top to bottom right now. I mean, I'm not but I feel like I could...Anywho. As I'm sitting on my off ramp I had that sick feeling like I forgot the kids at the store. When I reassured myself that I had indeed left them sleeping in their beds I recalled the first time I had ever left Hunter. He was only about two weeks/ish old, maybe a month, and I needed something from the store. Zach told me just to go, that it would be a good little outing for me. I was reluctant but went anyway. I remember getting into the car and pulling out of our neighborhood and thinking "Where is the carseat?!!" and "Oh my gosh I forgot him in the house!" Silly, silly girl but I couldn't help it. I know it had a lot to do with hormones then and I quickly got over it. I just couldn't help thinking that I had fallin asleep at my wheel. How crazy are we? I mean, thanks hormones you really know how to party. That was random thought number one. Random thought number two is really a question for all of you. How do you deal with someone or people that you just can't take a whole bunch of? I have been struggling with a few people for the last 6 months. I like to think that I have this amazing ability to take on all different kinds of personalities. Most cases I do, I can rock with the best of them and lounge with the rest. :) I think this is why everyone I know comes to me for advice. I can normally sift through peoples crazy. This time I think it has just hit way too close to home for comfort. That and the devil is REALLY trying to get in the way of a lot of aspects of my life. Se la vie right? So back to my question, how do you look past it or get over it if it's in your own backyard? I really can't stress enough how this (to the best of my knowledge possible) is the first time I've really not been able to just look past everything. I know that this is a lesson for my own personal growth but geeeeeewiz God, why do I have to go through this now? (*smacks self on back of head*) Thank you by the way for the comments on the puddle post. Life is a doozy sometimes but it's all how we react to our test that show us how strong we are. I am going to do my very best to utilize this blog to its utmost. I don't want a sugar coated blog, I want it to be all of the crazy inside my head pouring out. I work through my problems best if I say them so why not write them? I get WAY more feedback this way than just talking with myself. Thank you ladies for listening to my...uniqueness...:)

Yowza

Well two weeks later isn't exactly what I had planned...that's life! Trying to sort through all that is in my head and going on around me has been difficult at times. I was telling Zach last night that I feel like I'm drowning in a puddle, that I just can't get my face free of the water. I'm sure I'm overreacting. I can't seem to keep my house beautiful (like I should ever expect that! ha!!!), laundry is a constant battle and dishes...oh dishes...OH! and the dirty P word, POTTY TRAINING. Uggggggggggh. I'm so done with potty training. Shoot, I didn't even potty train Missy. I have her to Zach for the week while I went to be a counselor at a camp! hahahaha! Well potty training Hunter has been a fierce battle of wits. He "likes having my diaper changed." Which makes things extremely difficult for him actually telling me when he has to go. Sigh. On a more positive note we have been home owners for almost a year now! That's exciting stuff!! Our home has come SO far from when we first got the keys. Oh man this house was in bad shape. There have been many trials along the way, i.e. our air conditioning is completely broken and summers are not exactly cool here. Inside our home at any given time during the summer or start of summer it is 90-100 degrees. That's WITH ceiling fans! We used to have an awning in the backyard but it had to be torn down due to termites. I think that little awning would have a HUGE roll in keeping our house cool. The sun hits our back patio and pours heat into the downstairs. Enough about my little rant on heat. (It's nothing we can't deal with. We play outside in the water when we have shade in the back. Back on the happy home decorating front. :) It's been fun trying different things out for the house and Pinterest! Oh Pinterest. It's been a lot of fun looking up different ideas for the house. Now to implament. Welp, children are going crazy. Can't ignore them any longer. Ciao!